The Book of Terrible

My parents recently acquire a book entitled “the book of awesome”. As you may have already figured out, the book contains scenarios and things that happen that are awesome. For example, finding money on the ground, when you see sirens and you DON’T get pulled over etc.

This inspired me to produce my own thoughts on things that are pretty terrible. So we can all bond in saying “yep, when that happens to you, it really sucks”. We can bask in the wretched scenarios and bond over the fact that it happens and it sucks.

1. When you come home and have a popped zit on your face or something in your teeth. If your conversation with whomever seemed a little weak or flawed, you now know why. Whenever this site takes place you can’t help but re-cap when you last ate, who you talked to since.

2. When you slip and fall. This is one of the funniest things in the world to witness, and terrible to endure. Especially, but not limited to, in the presence of the opposite sex. In fact, most things in this list are exacerbated when the opposite sex witness it. However, when people slip and fall it’s just funny. And although some people will stop and help and ensure you’re ok, you know deep down they had to suppress a laugh and odds are they are laughing at you afterwards.

3. Cancelled Flights → Airports suck. Waiting for another flight sucks. Delaying your plans suck. Calling home and everyone else to explain how you’re trapped sucks. Calling automated tellers trying to find a new flight sucks. I could go on.

4. Going through the drive-thru and they get your order wrong. It’s almost impossible to return because you’re in a rush, which is probably why you used the drive-thru to begin with. And then you have to get rid of it.

5. When you hurt yourself and the story leading up to it is lame. Everyone always asks how you broke your arm, how you hurt yourself etc. If it’s something dumb like “I was making easy mac when I stubbed my toe really hard and broke it”…..it’s just a big let down. And you have to repeatedly tell the story and people will always be disappointed by your story.

6. When you forget to hang a towel outside your shower. You’re enjoying an awesome shower. It’s nice and warm, you smell nice. Oh crap, I forgot to hang a towel outside. I don’t want to put on my dirty clothes when I’m soaking wet so don’t mind me as I sprint for the closet butt naked to retrieve one as I’m freezing. Awesome moment ruined –enter terrible moment.

7. You think you did well on an exam. The mark comes back, you failed.
Crap. This is especially bad because it means you have to work that much harder next time. Double terrible.

8. When you’re at the movies, sitting in the middle of the aisle and you have to pee. Exiting is always a spectacle in itself. Sorry as I obstruct your view, trample feet, step on popcorn and shove my bum awkwardly close to you as I squeeze by. Oh by the way, I’ll be right back.

9. When you’re beside a person who loves to talk, but mumbles. You want to engage in conversation and be friendly, but you genuinely can’t understand a single word he/she is saying. It puts you in that sticky situation when they ask you about the topic of conversation that can’t simply be shooed away with a simple nod in agreement or a “ya, ya exactly”.
Pretty terrible and awkward.

10. When someone is driving in your direction with their brights on. You throw yours on to counter theirs, but their brights are like stadium lights for some reason and your eyes are literally burning. You flash yours on and off hoping to get their attention, and then they turn their brights on, showing you that all along they had them off and you look like the idiot flashing your brights on. Who’s the irresponsible one who looks like a idiot. You.